BBN: Try a Little Tenderness

Hi There:

I hope this note finds you happy and healthy.

There’s been so much transition going on in my life and from what I have been hearing from you, there is a ton of transition going on in many of yours. Some of this transition can include a change of jobs, partnership, death of a loved one, illness, injuries, deep emotions, or even energetic changes within the body. One of these changes for me has been an injury. I fell down a couple of new stairs that were put into a studio and twisted/hurt my foot. The good news is that I am healing well.

The other day my whole body had an extreme and shaky response to a very minor situation. Generally when an extreme response comes up, it’s coming from a past experience. Though I know this idea well, it really didn’t help to budge the angst and discomfort that was simmering through my entire system. This experience is a form of stress and can effect all areas of our lives. Because it is coming from an unconscious place, we are not always aware that we are more than stressed or that there is a deep place within ourselves asking for healing. And many times, we avoid this discomfort and never really get to the root of healing.

I wrote a few months ago about ways to bring more self love into your life. (Click here to read that article). In this edition, I thought I’d focus not on the celebration of being you (though I hope you celebrate as much as possible), but on ways that you can kindly and tenderly bring more loving energy to your heart and body. These tips come from me, my friends, and other healers; they help me and my friends all the time. (If you have very extreme issues though, please seek out psychological counseling).

5 Ways to Try a Little Tenderness

“You don’t blast a heart open,” she said. “You coax and nurture it open, like the sun does to a rose.” ~Melody Beattie
“You can’t substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness…. Money is not a substitute for tenderness, and power is not a substitute for tenderness.” ~Mitch Albom

1. Put your hands on your heart at some point during the day. You can be standing or sitting. Breathe into your heart slowly in and slowly out. Feel your breath, body, and yourself. Remind yourself that you are here to take care of your spirit and body and will protect and honor it. Do this for a few minutes.

2. Get a massage or if you have a partner, massage each other with warm oil. Let yourself feel the pleasurable parts of touch and if you’re triggered, practice setting boundaries and finding other ways or places where touch feels good and soothing. You can also massage yourself with warm oil, like almond, if you cannot afford a massage and don’ have a partner. Bring loving energy to your body.
3. Cry it out. Another way to say this is Feel to heal. Get tissue, find a safe space, and sob it out. My friend’s best friend was a horse who just passed away a few days ago. She is in grief. Sometimes, it is not this extreme. The feel may simply need a voice. (Please come back to number one on this list if that helps you with this number or feels like a better tip for you). If there are no tears, that’s ok too. The breath is enough.
4. Comfort the inner little one: The inner child sometimes has tantrums and sometimes is just asking for your tenderness. There are a few ways to comfort him or her: write a loving letter to him/her reminding him/her that you are there and will not abandon him/her, go to a toy store and find a stuffed animal that makes your body soften, buy it, hug it, and use it, and play; there are ways we as adults deny this childish part of ourselves. We are taught to do this. It is important to still be an adult. However, it is nice to be a compassionate parent to your inner child. You may love to ice skate but haven’t been in a while. You may love children’s books, ice cream, soccer, twinkles, gummy bears, parks, swing sets, etc. This doesn’t mean overeat and indulge to harm yourself. It means: play. Go do something that your inner child says, “Finally, I have been waiting for you to do that.” (Generally look at the places you feel judgmental, resistant, and afraid. There’s likely an open door there).
5. Workout: do yoga and or meditation. The energy needs to move. This is the way to do it.
Here’s to a lifetime of tenderness and kindess to ourselves. This is how we bring more peace to this planet. It starts with ourselves.
Please share this info to all who may benefit.
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